


hCG Blues

by withaflashoflove



Category: The Flash (TV 2014)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-04
Updated: 2016-12-04
Packaged: 2018-09-12 18:37:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,220
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9084808
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/withaflashoflove/pseuds/withaflashoflove
Summary: Based on a tumblr prompt request: Iris feeling insecure during pregnancy & Barry telling her she's still just as beautiful, etc.





	

“This is your fault. This is all your damn fault Barry Allen.”

He freezes the minute he steps foot inside their house, definitely not expecting that greeting after being away from her all day. Barry locks eyes with her and he swears he’s never seen so much anger, frustration and apathy in one look.

“Wha-”

“No don’t what me!” Iris cuts him off sharply. “Next time you decide to get me pregnant, don’t. Because this sucks. This sucks this sucks this sucks. I have to deal with another 7 months of this?”

He throws the keys on the counter and walks over to her, a smile creeping on his face. Her words were anything but funny, but he couldn’t help but be a little amused at the trashcan in front of her and the unique pose she had going on, half on the couch, half off, curled up in fetal position with her feet all-but resting on the floor and her head next to the bin. 

“Iris -” he comes to crouch in front of her, relocating the trashcan away from the both of them.

“Can I just say,” she interrupts again, “that throwing up after eating a brownie was _not_ what I signed up for, okay? I took one bite Barry. One damn bite. And the next thing I knew, I was running to the sink because the thing inside of me doesn’t seem to like it!”

“Baby I kn-”

“Do you really? Do you really _really_? Do you know how it feels to have your back feel like it’s breaking in half with every step? Or to be in constant fear of collapsing because of the severity of a migraine? Or to literally not stand the smell of your favorite food because it makes you nauseous?

I can’t eat sweet things. I can’t eat spicy things. I can’t eat anything. I’ve been living off saltine crackers for the past four weeks!”

“Iri-”

“No you know what.” She sits up and pulls a pillow to her lap before laying back down on the couch, now in a different position, one with her legs hanging off the armrest and her chest facing the ceiling. “Do you see this stomach?”

He looks at her belly. He notices the tiny baby bump and the smile on his face only gets wider. Really, it’d become routine to kiss it a thousand times a day until she made him stop because it tickled too much.

“I don’t even think this is a baby. I’m pretty sure this is all gas. Why am I so bloated? I’ve literally eaten nothing today to deserve this!

And let me ask you something else. Why do I feel so lethargic and unmotivated, yet my body decides it needs to use the restroom every 20 minutes? It’s like it can’t decide what to do with itself and I have to deal with the consequences of its confusion and indecisiveness.”

“Are you done?” he asks, still grinning, before coming to sit on the couch next to her, hand reaching to cup her cheek. 

“Yes,” she pouts.

“So there’s this really intense hormone, right? hCG. It’s kinda hellish, but also heavenly. Anyway, the placenta produces it to keep your progesterone levels high so that your uterine lining stays thick and can support the zygote. If for some reason, hCG stops being produced, you’d probably start your period again, which would most likely mean a miscarriage. Really it’s your body’s way of protecting both you _and_ the baby.”

Iris wonders how he can always make science sound so poetic.

“Unfortunately,” he continues, “because the quantity of it increases so rapidly, scientists think that that’s what causes things like morning sickness. Because it’s such a sudden change that your body can’t really adapt to it, so it leads to a lot of stress and, as a result, this happens.”

He gives her a sad smile before leaning down to kiss her forehead.

“I’m sorry it’s been so hard. But the good news is, levels of it decrease significantly by end of the third month because the placenta starts being able to provide adequate production of progesterone without the need to secrete hCG to make other cells do it. So hopefully these symptoms dissipate soon.”

Iris nods her head, reflecting on his words for a few seconds. “Barry?”

“Yes?” he asks, staring intently at her. 

“Did you memorize what the doctor told us, verbatim?”

He laughs, leaning down to kiss her again. Who could blame him though; his wife was too kissable for her own sake.

“I may have done some outside reading.”

“Yeah I can see that,” she smiles, lacing her fingers through his, both their hands resting over her belly.

“Why didn’t you call me?” he questions, using their linked hands as leverage to pull her up so that she was sitting in his lap.

Truthfully, this was the most comfortable position she’d been in all day, as her legs came to either side of him, hands looping around his neck. 

“Because it felt pathetic,” she answers.

“Why?”

“Because I should be able to take care of myself. And I shouldn’t have to take the day off after lunch. I shouldn’t feel so unenergized that I can’t even finish an article or make a cup of coffee or read the news or do anything without feeling like it’s the hardest task in the world.

I have no motivation to even get dressed. My clothes all either don’t fit or look terrible. Hell, I can’t even bring myself to care about matching anything or putting an outfit together. Heels throw me off balance. Jewelry annoys me. I just feel so weak.”

“But you’re not,” he replies, arms wrapping around her, rubbing gentle circles along her back. 

“Are you sure? Because I feel that way. And pretty shitty in general. All the time. The things I love most, I can’t enjoy. Clothes, food, coffee, writing, anything. And I keep telling myself to just do it, but apparently I have no control over my actions either.” 

“Hey. Come here.”

He pulls her into him, and she goes willingly, lets her head fall to his shoulder. Barry wraps her tightly, peppers kisses to her cheek before letting his lips trail to her neck. His hands steady her body, massage away the tension of her muscles, relax her breathing.

He feels her calm inside his arms. 

So he holds her for a few minutes longer, relishing in the sweet smell of her perfume and the warmth of her body on his. And he realizes just how much he’s missed her today. And yesterday. And the day before. And how he never wants to be away from her, not for work, not for anything. Because she was home and she needed him and he needed her. 

“Iris.” 

She lets out a sigh, keeps her eyes closed and her head on his shoulder for a little while longer, before pulling back to meet his gaze.

He notices the tears in her eyes.

“Hey.” His hands come to wipe them away, and his lips follow, kissing away all their traces. “For what it’s worth, you look as beautiful as ever.”

That gets him a smile.

“And,” he continues, kissing her one more time before pulling back, “even though you feel like you’re not doing much, you are.

Look at you. Still on the job everyday. Still investigating and covering stories. Still making the front page on a weekly basis. Still making time to work out and still finding ways to eat healthy.” 

She scoffs. Those all seemed like such minute things, things she shouldn’t be getting praised for.

It’s like Barry read her mind.

“I know you’re used to doing all that, Iris. And I know you’re not looking for the validation. But I need you to remember that you’re quite literally carrying another person inside of you. And you have to adjust to the changes that brings, while continuing to live your life, which isn’t easy at all. But here you are, still managing and doing a damn good job of it.

Honestly I don’t know how you do it.”

“It hasn’t been the easiest,” she whispers.

“You make it look easy.” he replies, cupping her face in his hands. “You make all of this look so easy. You carry yourself with such poise and grace and I’m in awe of your strength.”

“But what if it keeps getting harder?” she looks at him with sad eyes, insecurity altering the prosody of her voice.

His face falls at the question and he wishes he could take all her pain away. He wishes he could carry her load so that she’d find her smile again. 

But he can’t, so he says, “you’ll still manage. Nothing is too hard for you. Nothing can break you, Iris.

And even on the days you feel your worst, you’ll still be home to another human. You’ll still be nurturing and tending to _our_ baby. Who will undoubtedly grow up to be the most amazing person in the world because of you.” 

She sighs, nodding her head a little.

“There’s nothing you can’t handle,” he continues, “no fraud business deal. No rogue politician. No unethical campaigns.”

He smiles, before adding, “no length of heels, because even stilettos don’t trip you up.”

He hears a laugh leave her lips, one he’s so desperately missed.

“No workout, no matter how strenuous. No debate, no matter how heated. No criticism, no matter how unfair.

You’ve done it all. Hell, you single-handedly saved our wedding from a disaster.”

She laughs hard at that. “Yeah remind me never to let Linda and Cisco _work_ together again.”

“What were we thinking?” he joins her in laughter.

“Mmm, clearly we weren’t.” 

“We were a bit caught up being too in love.” The CSI leans in to kiss her again, this time holding her lips, letting his tongue graze the inside of her cheek, before pulling away. “Still are.”

“Still are indeed,” she repeats, kissing him again, savoring the taste of his lips and the comfort they bring her.

“And now, you have this challenge. But you’ll push through it like you have with anything else. And I’ll be right here the entire way.”

She holds her breath. “Promise?”

“Promise,” he replies without any hesitation, “at any hour, any minute, any day, any time; whenever you need me, I will be here. Whatever you want. Whether your cravings have me running to different countries. Or your hormones leave me sleeping on the couch because you can’t stand the smell of me. Or -”

“I need sex immediately?” she cuts him off, smirk on her face, “because I’ve heard uncontrolled urges are pretty common.”

“I mean, that’s always a given,” he laughs.

Barry wraps her tight, pulling her back to him, kissing her collarbone before resting his chin on the top of her head. 

And she finds herself breathing a little easier, finds her nerves calm, lets his embrace engulf her, lets herself only think about him for the time being.

“You’re gonna be the most amazing mother,” he whispers a few minutes later, hands still gently rubbing her back. 

Her body stills. That word still scared her like no other; she often questioned her abilities, questioned whether she knew anything about raising a child, about being a _mother_ , when she never had a model..when she still didn’t have her own mother to guide her...to ease the worry, to ease the fears.

“Iris,” Barry repeats, pulling back to look at her, “you will be so wonderful. So loving. So tender.”

She nods her head, fighting back tears.

“And I hope our son or daughter takes after you in everything.”

“Everything huh?” she asks, lips curving upwards.

“Everything,” he repeats, “I hope he or she has your eyes and your lips and your nose and your hair and your intelligence and your compassion and your wit and your kindness and your heart.

 Especially your heart. Because it’s so forgiving. It’s so welcoming. It’s so _safe.”_

“Yeah?”

“It’s home,” he smiles. 

And she loses it at that, lets the tears finally fall, and they come crashing down. Barry feels his own tears do the same, but he holds her nonetheless, lets her insecurities wash away with every heave, with every sob, with every breath.

“I blame the hormones,” she jokes after a few minutes and he laughs into her hair, “these damn hormones.”

“I wish I could make this easier.” 

Iris looks at him, takes all of him in for the first time in a long while. She can’t help but fill with adoration, fill with admiration at his love and his comfort and his support. 

“You already are Bear,” she breathes, “you always do.”

“Yeah?”

It’s his turn to feel a little insecure. Because he so badly wants to do this right. Wants to make sure he can be enough for her through it all.

But she only reassures him with an affirmative _yes_ before touching her lips to his.

And for the rest of the day, nothing could convince her of leaving his arms, of doing anything other than laying with him, breathing him in, holding him close, as he stills her worries, as he kisses away her fears...as she does the same.


End file.
